hestitantly optimistic

September 23, 2006

Deluded?

Filed under: Fertility — Theresa @ 9:22 pm

Now I’m convinced the spotting I’m having is implantation bleeding. (Early pregnancy symptom #14.)
And my temperature was 37.2 just now.

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Chewing my foot off.

Filed under: Fertility,Work — Theresa @ 1:37 pm

First – maternity leave in Norway – if you have a permanent 100% position – is full pay for 8 months or 80% for a year. Sweet, right? And it took me many moons to get the position that I have, which is 8 to 3:30, Monday to Friday and every 6th weekend. Which – like – GOOD, right?

Yet the fact is they passed over me for a promotion for someone who does. Not. Speak. The. Language. Nice person, yes. Experienced, yes. Maybe even more cojones than me – let it not be said that I like confrontation – but who does not understand large chunks of what is being said around her. ARGH.

So here I sit. Angry. Bitter. Melodramatically betrayed. Looking through the Help Wanted ads knowing that I can’t ought not give up the position I have. Because it will happen sometime. Not this time, but sometime.

And now I’m off to buy more B vitamins, Robitussin, some ovulation predictor kits and boxer shorts.

September 22, 2006

Google is our friend. Maybe.

Filed under: Fertility — Theresa @ 7:39 am

I feel like an amateur. We have been trying since last April, but I have been trying to take a relaxed, somewhat-informed I-am-a-nurse-afterall approach to all this. I didn’t realize that googling two week wait would bring up page after page of how to keep yourself occupied in exactly this situation. However, reading about how to survive the two week wait is not the best way to keep yourself from thinking about the two week wait. If you know what I mean.

It’s PMS. It is.

September 21, 2006

Cause hope isn’t always a bad thing.

Filed under: Fertility — Theresa @ 4:00 pm

Really – should I spend the days between ovulating and menstruation being hopeful? Trying not to be hopeful? I’m not very successful at the latter regardless of how hard I try and I’m going to wind up being disappointed when (if?) it turns out I’m not. Again.

If I do let my imagination run away with me, I at least get 2 weeks or so of feeling like the future could hold anything.

Oh, and the smell of coffee made me gag this morning.

September 19, 2006

Overactive

Filed under: Fertility — Theresa @ 8:44 am

I’m nauseated, overly emotional, exhausted and have heartburn. And my imagination is running completely away with me.

Or maybe I just need a cup of coffee and for the cat to stop waking me up at 6 am.

September 18, 2006

I need a nap.

Filed under: Work — Theresa @ 5:46 pm

I am going to attempt to be nice at work. I feel okay with being a bit distant, but I want to be nice. Pleasant. After all, it’s not her fault they hired her instead of me, right?

I am aware that I’m feeling childish – wronged and hurt and pouty – but as long as I act professional, that might be okay. Though how do you know that the faking it til you’re making it isn’t transparent? I’ve been in work situations before when I thought I was being completely unreadable and oh, just really wasn’t. And that feeling of thinking you’re keeping your true feelings well below the surface only to find out 6 months, 2 years later that simply everyone knew exactly how you felt is so icky.

And it’s not like I even wanted this job. I was feeling ambivalent about it from the get go. I found out it was open the day I got back from vacation and made the decision to apply without really giving it any thought. I wasn’t sure I wanted the stress or the having to deal with some of the upper management – some of which are really, truly nutty people. (It’s not normal for the boss-boss to not make eye contact under any circumstances. It just isn’t.) I wasn’t sure I wanted to have to hire new people or have to reprimand wayward employees. I wasn’t sure I wanted to have to think about the economy and how we can’t afford to have someone stay that extra half hour so that everyone gets to … like … lie down after dinner. I didn’t want to talk to the intensely crazy man who is in charge of IT/janitorial services/laundry. I wasn’t sure I wanted to be the one to whom everyone whined.

But I sure wanted them to want me.

I blame chat

Filed under: Weird — Theresa @ 7:23 am

I dreamed last night I was making German Chocolate Cake with Priscilla in the basement at Graceland.

September 17, 2006

A new day

Filed under: Work — Theresa @ 11:00 pm

So tomorrow is the first day of work with the new boss. I’ve worked with her for a little over a year now, trained her, taught her the language, asked her a million times “are you sure you understand?”. I like her. She’s cute. But I’m not sure why they chose to promote her rather than me. She has less experience than I do and in pediatrics, not geriatrics. I’m suspecting she’s going to have to struggle a bit.

And, really, that’s okay.

Uhm… Hi.

Filed under: Uncategorized — Theresa @ 8:09 pm

Is this thing on?

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